Smut meme, or smeme?

I’m just sitting around listening to Bach and having a beer when I see I’ve been tagged by Nails to do this meme. Some of this doesn’t seem to apply to me, because I have outdoor plumbing, but I’ll give it a go. And I guess I had to title it that.

1. Chocolate or Whipped Cream:
I’ve only had whipped cream applied to me, so I can’t make an educated assessment. Why is “Popsicle” not an option?

2. Leather or PVC:
PVC is so shiny!

3. Outdoor Sex or Indoor Sex:
I like both. There is something quite neato about the outdoor variety. The thrill of getting caught?

4. In the Jacuzzi or In Bed?
Jacuzzi would make you lose all the slickness. I’ll go with bed on this one.

5. Bad Sex or No Sex:
No sex. Bad sex is like work without getting paid.

6. Dominate or Be Dominated:
A little from column A, and a little from column B.

7. Thigh highs or Bodystocking:
When I see a fair damsel in thigh highs, I enjoy it.

8. Fast or Slow:
Can’t we have it all? Sometimes you wanna fuck. Sometimes you wanna make love. They are both good.

9. Rough or Gentle:
See above

10. Bite or Suck:.
I am prone to nibble a bit

11. Role play or Reality:
Reality for the most part. Nothing wrong with some games though

12. Dirty Talking or Dirty Talking To:
Wow, there are a lot of questions that have me thinking 50/50. I’ve been known to say “Yeah baby! Call me Mr. Miyagi! Wax on bitch!”

13. Edible panties or No Panties:
wat

14. Spanking paddle or Bare-handed:
Bare handed. I like to feel what I’m doing.

15. Landing Strip or Kojak:
I like all kinds except the Buckwheat.

16. Multiple Sessions or One Good Fuck:
Multiple good fuck sessions. It can happen, kids.

17. Moaning or Screaming:
I don’t care what you do as long as you are having a good time. I just like to hear you.

18. Older Men or Young Men:
N/A

19. Threeway or No Way:
No way. I don’t share.

20. Swing or No Swinging:
Like as in a sex swing, or as in swinging? I would try to swing, but see above for the way I feel about sharing.

Good Christ, I don’t know who to tag. Let’s see if Misha will actually do this. And… wow I have a small circle of fellow bloggers. Oooo, I pick Turkeynecks! Just because he will be funny.

I’d rather cry then sleep, but my eyes are heavy and without tear. My mind is groggy from too many thoughts and not enough answers. I fear I am wearing out and close to expiration. What is the shelf life of a good heart? One not fettered by hate, but instead illuminated by love. At times I wish for the shackles. Not knowing what it is to fly seems better than brief interludes of soaring broken apart by clipped wings and damp earth.

A7 F D

I finally did it. I got myself an acoustic guitar. I picked up a Yamaha pack from Guitar Center. I’ve never owned one and I’ve never really learned anything but a few chords on one. In fact, I haven’t strummed one in at least two years! This is why I was quite pleased that it felt natural to tune, and I hit a chord from memory right away. I have a musical ear so I am picking up on the tuning pretty fast. Hopefully I can learn fast, because I have a stockpile of music on my brain that needs to get out. I’m very excited!

I am still hanging out with the girl. She asks me to stop by her work sometimes, and I oblige. I took her to lunch today because she is getting promoted at her job. It’s getting more and more difficult to be around her because of how obvious it is we are attracted to each other. We had amazing talks today, and I caught her just staring at me for a while with a big dopey grin on her face. I wanted to kiss her. I can’t.

To say I am frustrated would be like saying that the Nazis had a slight influence on Europe.

I have decided on my next tattoo. I have had many ideas floating around in my head for a long time, but one finally struck me. It will be a simple three word sentence. “I am dreaming”. It is the first line from my favorite book ever and I want it immortalized on my skin. I need to work on the look of it, and maybe in a month I can get it. Unless you want to pay for it. Go on! I dare you to pay for my ink!

I’m not feeling the creative writing today, and for that I apologize. Watch this now.

Museum Day

I make her laugh with the smallest of whispers born only for her ears. Her mirth, the smallest of muffled giggles, sounds thunderous through the somber halls. Minute touches, well designed to be close but not too obvious or intrusive, pass between us. The subject matter in a Van Gogh flashes a jagged geometric grin at only us two. We enjoy the same artists and have wonderfully insightful microcosms of communication throughout the day. We head home, talking the entire time and split our faces with muppet-like smiles. I need to leave the current train and catch another. She hugs me goodbye and I disembark. I do not wait for the train, but instead walk down the stairs not looking back. I don’t want to see her through the window because I can’t stand something standing between us.

The kindling was put alight too soon, but I remain smoldering like the driest oak or hickory.

So, I got a call today

I was off today, and doing some book shopping because I was in dire need of replenishment. I sent out a text to six people asking for input. I like to see what people read because it gives me insight into their minds and makes me go down some book rows I wouldn’t normally touch. One of the people was the woman from my previous post. Not surprising. She called me about ten minutes later. Surprising. She asks me if I like art, then she backs out of that saying “of course you do” and asks me if I want to go to a museum with her next week.

Beautiful woman who is totally rad AND HAS A BOYFRIEND asks me to go to a museum.

Well, since I still want to be friends and it’s a very public place, I agree. She has just gotten out of work and was going to hang around a bit because she had a job interview. That’s not too far from where I am and she asks me to come down for a bit. We talk a lot. She keeps asking me what I’m doing today. A lot. She speeds off to her interview. Sounded to me like she wanted to hang out afterwards. We don’t.

I search around for the best option for the day (Tues) and come to the conclusion that the Art Institute would best. She is kinda broke but I don’t mind dropping some money for a museum trip.

The texts don’t come as much. I realize she is at home, and she is hiding the fact she is speaking with me from her boyfriend. I am a gentleman and I will not try anything with her due to her situation. I am now actually thinking about backing out because I feel bad. I feel bad she is hiding this like something is going to happen. Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn’t go down that road. I feel bad because I want something to happen, but not at the expense of a relationship. For all I know, her man is cool as ice and I would want to hang with him.

I just know I don’t want to cause anyone pain. I know I won’t sit around for her either.

If I promise I’m not a robot, will you believe me?

The last few days have been a bit more interesting that usual, kids. Let us begin with Saturday evening.

Over the last few months, I have gotten to know a large portion of the staff at a certain Starbucks here in the great city of Chicago. Well enough that they invited me out for a drinkin night at the ol L&L Tavern, which happens to be my favorite well to draw from. At first I was shy, but as the night went on I got very involved with everyone. It was one of the best nights out I’ve ever had, just because it was nifty fun. About half way through the night, I’m talking to one of the ladies and I realize I’m becoming very attracted to her. Now now kids, I wasn’t drunk so beer goggles were not involved. I just really vibed with her. We talked about music and life in general for over an hour. I know she has a boyfriend though, and I don’t want to be “that guy”.

As time goes on, she tells me she is basically waiting for her lease to end with her mate so she can make a split from him. Turns out she has been unhappy with him for quite a while for many reasons (not my business to spill the beans on her personal life here). She begins to flirt with me, and it just feels so god damned right. We end up holding hands and holding each other. Pet names are doled out like we have been together forever. The entire time, I’m feeling bad because of the situation, but I’m so damned into her I can’t stop. We never kissed or anything else naughty, but I felt dirty. We went to get some food after the bar with a mutual friend, and it continued. The hug goodnight was beautiful.

She had mentioned a few bands while looking through my Zune, so I made her a CD with Hank III and the new Dillinger Escape Plan albums on it, and dropped by Starbucks on my journey about yesterday. She was very happy to have it, and I felt pretty damn awesome.

Today, I decided to set things right and find the path we are taking together. The following is the text transcript:

Me: I hate asking this over an impersonal text, but where do we go from here? Nowhere? Somewhere? Also, i’ve listened to Cake for the last five hours.

Her: Yeah dude sorry but nowhere. i feel bad for flirting with u so heavily but i have a boyfriend. till that changes we can only b friends (this is actually what I was hoping she would say. Even though she had a moment of weakness, she still seems like a damn good girl)

Her: Please don’t hate me

Me: I don’t hate you. The way I acted was genuine, but I felt bad. It’s rare to find someone like you. One day maybe things will change.

Her: Thanks 4 understanding ur an awesome guy just not a good time

Me: I understand. I’ve been in your situation. we’ll see how time alters everything. God, I’m a sap! ha ha!

Me: Well, a similar situation since don’t really know the particulars of what’s going on with you at home. so i guess i can’t really Compare

Her: God why u gotta b a nerd! lol

Me: I am what i am. i’ve always been the romantic. gets me burned ha ha! I once read an entire collection of Neruda to a girl in bed. i suck!

Her: U did not say neruda? as n pablo neruda one of my favs. i had a teacher give me one of his books cause he said i wrote n a similiar fashion

There is a little more, but it’s not of any concern to the situation on hand. Sounds to me like she still wants to see what can happen a bit, but she’s still with someone. Maybe I read the first one wrong, but it’s the impression I got.

While I’m sad, I’m also happy. I can see she is a good woman, and she has a ton of the qualities I look for. Who knows what the future holds? Usually, for me, the future holds a steaming pile of goat shit it wants to throw down my throat, but it’s 08! Let’s hope I come out of this year on top for once. I hope things can happen between us, but I am very happy to be her friend for now.

I decided to walk home from the Clark & Belmont area tonight. That’s almost seven miles. I loved it. The weather is so nice, and I listned to the following albums:

Interpol “Our Love To Admire”

Portishead “Dummy”

Sigur Ros “Takk…”

Pelican “The Fire In Our Throats Will Beacon The Thaw”

For the first time in months, I feel so alive. I felt the wind on my face. The ground under me. The beautiful music percolating through my ear drums. I’ve never found such joy out of the sadness. How can one be happy and depressed at the same time? I don’t know, but I am and I feel wondrous.

I want my life to be like a Sigur Ros song sometimes. I want to waken next to someone I love so much it makes me hurt. Awaken so slowly like the sun cresting the waves. I want to kiss her back just enough to make her stir, then go and make breakfast for us. We would eat amongst the laughter we can’t keep down because we keep catching the other person staring with a big dopey grin. We will shower together and just walk around outside. We would hold hands, and sometimes I would reach over and pull a small strand of hair out of her face that got blown there by the gentle, caressing breeze. Under the shade of a great tree, we would kiss in between bouts of looking into each others eyes and making little inside jokes. People who didn’t even see us would know that somewhere around them, someone was in love just by the sound of our voices. We would go home and hold each other on the sofa while watching Bogart movies. We would go to bed together, make passionate love, then I would stroke her skin so lightly it would feel like the softest gust of wind nudging her towards sleep. I would just look at the smile on her face for a moment, then nod off myself while my arm is draped over her so I can feel her close to me. This is what a Sigur Ros song sounds like to me. I wish I was a better writer so I could do it justice.

Good night

Soooo, I heard about this “new year”.

I feel the need to do the camera. I wonder if I even have it in me tonight. In the past, the postings I did with the camera always got far more attention. What can I say, I’m better in person.

Also, I’m quite sick of my URL.

*edit* Nope! I spent the evening speaking to a pal about their relationship so I didn’t have time to make video. Oh well.